200th blog post/ 20 years alive

  I'm 20 this year and to celebrate my 200th blog post, I'm gonna share some updates on my progress so far in cliché horoscope sequence. 

Overview
Going through a self discovery phase where I put myself first and see the world with a whole new perspective. Not to mention learning to accept myself wholly and embrace life as it is. Life isn't always sweet and wonderful. Accept that and accept the fact that I'm not perfect. Believe that it's okay. I learnt to apologize, to forgive and to love myself regardless of expectations. It's okay. I will remember that I am not defined by anything at all. In fact, I will not be defined. I am fine. (If that makes sense) Life goes on and so should I. 

Career
Don't have one yet but I'm making it a point to think about what I want for my future. I would say that my list ended up being simpler than I thought.
1.financial stability and financial freedom. 
Being able to afford my own place and new experiences. Plus extra funds to do charity and get a cat and a dog. 
2.Success. 
Yes as cliche as it sounds. My version of success is that I get to choose when I work and who I work with. 
3.Happiness.
 I sincerely wish to be happy and content with myself. To be able to deal with adulting(yes it's a word, at least it is to me) yet still be optimistic about life.I don't want to accept that in the "real world" no one can be happy. I refuse to believe so. 

Health
still alive so far. *clap clap clap*
 Note to self : learn to deal with stress and minimize it as much as possible. 
My menstrual cycle got so messed up thanks to stress. 
Yes, stress is real. As real as unicorns.Therefore, unicorns are real. period. 
p.s- rose tea is good for stress.

Love
Face it, You've been looking forward for this section since forever. So here it is.
.
..
...
I'm done. Let's move on to the next section. 
No really. I just summed up my love life for you. I think in written form it sounds something like "it does not exist."  Joking la (My Malaysian is showing,haha)
I have loving friends. 
Seriously.
 I am so blessed to have such supporting and loving friends and acquaintances.
*A moment of appreciation for all the wonderful people in my life.* To be honest I feel like the luckiest person who ever lived to meet so many wonderful beings and be acquainted with them. Beings because you know-- cats. People aren't the only beings that can make you feel.
Okay I left you hanging for too long on this subject. Basically.. To give you a rough idea of my love life from a biological perspective. No I've yet to meet someone that makes me go "I WANT YOUR BABIES." But I have met people who made me wonder what life would be with them in the picture. That's all I can say. Regardless, I have absolutely zero interest in investing time in this area of my life -other than my precious friends and acquaintances of course-

I pledge to be kinder in both words and actions. To take special care in what I say for It seems that perhaps I may come off as harsh for some people.I hope that everyone who meets me gains something out of our time together. Whether it be happiness or a new friend. I wish you would believe that we can do good and that impossible isn't as impossible as it sounds. 

Farewell post to my inner fangirl

I suppose that my unhealthy infatuation with a certain someone is officially over now. No that it's not that way, it seems like I was able see him in a totally different light. I feel my heart starting to let go. My mind is able to function clearer and make rational decisions and actions.

   For all I know I've been acting like a total fool of myself and in the course possibly hurting others as well with my fogged up center of attention. I've been trying to put myself first. To hold it in, speak less and consider more. I'm sincerely trying to be more humble and to fix the way I output my thoughts in a way that isn't as mean. (I must admit I am pretty ruthless at times when I comment on things) 

  Letting go of that unhealthy infatuation was probably a good start. I can see that he can sense that change in me as well. He has been such an adorable sport that I wonder if I might risk falling back to where I was before. It's not like you can get mad at someone for being worried about you but believe in you at the same time, someone who cares to fulfill your ridiculous idea of a Sunday night or someone who was just so genuinely selfless right? Try getting mad at that. I'm frustrated. yes I am. 

  But one thing for sure, I am never going back there again. I'm glad I got him to see me in a whole new different light. More than glad, I was super elated. But much more importantly, I got to pay more attention to many other things I never realized or got to appreciate. He will forever be an inspiration for me but I bid this unhealthy infatuation farewell and sincerely will work hard for a tightly bonded friendship that will last for years to come. (Anti-climatic much? you would've thought I was looking for my soul mate or husband. But hey, it's sort of the same thing no? Only without the "till death do us part" vows. Okay maybe not. Haha, To fall in love with someone who ALSO coincidentally loves you too in the same way. Kind of in the unrealistic grey area wired in my head. So we will get there, when we get there. Till then, have a nice day.)

degree dilemma

  Hello world, been a while since I've posted so here I am.
Its been.. 2 years since SPM and 2016 is the third.
   And yes, I have yet to make an absolute decision on what to do for my degree yet.
Sorry not sorry, haha if anyone who at one point asked me what I wanted to do and got a different answer every time.

  I think that taking my time deciding has been somewhat worth it. It seems that the cause of my constant change of decisions regarding career stems from the people around me. Mostly my family, where they react differently every time I set my mind on one career. When they give a positive reaction, I automatically go "okay, I'll do this then." But then not long after they keep filling me with their own opinions and what rumors they heard on the career. All my resolutions on that career gradually gets dabbled on with doubt and uncertainty.

 My grandma was so proud when she thought I was gonna be a dentist. She gave me a pat followed by a proud praise.

 My sister recommended Traditional Chinese Medicine. When I said I might take it up. She kept filling me with stories from her TCM doctor. But then I realized I couldn't stand the smell of herbs. That was that.

Then there's veterinarian. My mom was so confident I could do it. I would've taken it too if not for the expenses and my fear of reptiles.

Psychology, It got the worst reaction out of everyone. So, we'll skip that dreadful experience.

Which is why,

Fuck it.

Yes, fuck it.

I'm gonna pick something that I like to study regardless of their reactions. Easier said than done but suppose I'll try to make a point to hit the library as often as I can to research on what I like. Best advice ever from my cousin sister. "Go to the library." And so I did. I now know what courses I'd stay away from. For example, nutrition is a big no-no. As well as aquaculture.

Stay tuned to my journey to picking a degree. Till then, Have courage and be kind peeps :D