lol-ness overload: Message to my 5 year old self

Hello little Jo :D

If you're not that absorbed into watching TV maybe you'd day dream about your future self writing to you at some point. First of all, Thank you. If you hadn't spent days reading and watching english cartoons, I ought to be in serious trouble by now. You spent your days reading those few worn out english story books saved from the fire with a musty scent of effervescence and ash.

Occasionally you'd get a dozen Doraemon comics from brother's book collection and have it stacked beside you as you read through book by book for the rest of the day. Those books were in Bahasa Malaysia and I felt proud thinking back that Doraemon taught you our national language of all people. I remembered you flipping through the same old book again for the hundredth time with the same glint and wonder in your eyes, It was wonderful to immerse yourself in a whole new world.

Looking back, you were the exact definition of an introvert. You went by without mingling with people your age as much as a normal kid would, the only constant companion you had was a cat, books and television. And it never occurred to you that it was a problem, because honestly it never was. If that didn't scream introvert, I don't know what does. Not to say that being an introvert is a bad thing, on the contrary I quite like it. But rest assured that you will eventually be a sociable person just like your parents. Though you don't exactly spend a much time as you should with them, I thank you for being a good child of knowing how to entertain yourself and a well behaved child for you did as you were told. I suppose I never really did purposely misbehave, perhaps its in my genes or maybe I've an old soul that knows better than to make others lives harder. Your siblings love bringing you out because of that though I never knew why, though maybe now I do.

Don't panic that your only earliest memory you own is of waking up and going downstairs to look for kakak. I admit that I panic even now thinking of what could've happened to the rest of my memory as there were proofs of much more me about mories existing prior to that in the form of pictures. Maybe I'm not me, Maybe some soul took over when I was sleeping that's why I couldn't remember anything. No matter what you think and what solution you come up with in your head, don't think much about it and just live and make the best out of it.

Don't worry about making friends or being yourself. You don't have to change yourself or buy friendship. The right kind of people will make their way into your life regardless of your true interest and opinion. Not only that, they will show you that you are worth more than you think. They scrape off your self doubt chunk by chunk and instill in you self esteem and acknowledgement. I never knew it was possible to meet people who just click with you and stand by you no matter what, not until I crossed path with many such wonderful angels in disguise. Yes you might run into some bullies along the way but all is well as long as you stay put and be firm with who you are, you'll see magic unfold.

You're no less than the others. So stop putting yourself down, sure you might feel like the underdog and shadow that's just there but just you wait. One day you'll be proud of who you've become. Looking back at old pictures, I recalled fading into the background. I recalled being second choice. I recalled being chosen over for another purely because of looks. Sure I was devastated and upset, but it didn't stop me from getting lots of other opportunities to show my worth. Years ago I wouldn't have dreamed of even leading a rover crew or being able to give spontaneous speeches in front of a huge audience.

Believe that you are of worth.
No one is destined to be in the shadows forever.
Keep your cool little Jo.
( I didn't remember you being so cool until I flipped through old pictures of you.)
And watch those late night disney channel story times while your parents sleep :P haha, Good times.