Self review

  After spending some time reading my old posts, I'm surprised to say that I was quite shocked at the vast contrast of the posts from when I started blogging to my current ones. Not only from the changes in writing style but the general feel of me as person from my words alone had changed. I felt like I just met my younger self through the old posts and what I saw was the exact reflection of the type of people I had come to disapprove of as I grew older. I mean it's nothing serious but ... damn I was such a child. (HAHAHAHAHAHA) 

    Thank goodness I grew out of it though, like really my old posts were filled with ^^ and (._.) . Truth to be told I would've deleted all of my old posts to hide proof of my past self if it weren't for the fact that I was really in my early teens. In Malaysia I suppose you would call it the typical LA-LA phase for a teenage girl. The inevitable phase where you shamelessly follow bad fashion trends and become one of those nasty girls just because. (Nasty is a bit of an over the top exaggeration, but from the perspective of a person who got bullied by a certain group, it'll suffice) Another shout out to my old self for getting over that particular phase quick enough, I mean it lasted for me for about.. 3 days to a week?  Not bad really. I mean, it could've been worse. (I might've gone off prancing bout with lala hairstyle forever. Who would've known?) 

   But all in all, I've grown wiser AND smarter too. (hahaha cut me some slack I can praise myself once in a while now can't I? )  I can say that both the former and the latter were mostly attained ever since I joined STPM. STPM really did had a hand in making me feel much more vulnerable than I've ever been before but tougher than ever when it comes to being responsible for myself. Needless to say we learn many many things in STPM (famously branded for having a broad ranged syllabus) , Solving tough maths and chemistry questions continuously for a period of time really conditions one's brain to function much much more differently and dare I say much more efficient.

Need proof?
 Look at the difference between science teachers and language teachers when it comes to delivering a message to the students. Usually the science teachers would cut off all the nonsense and get straight to the point while the language teachers would go on and on and on with an occasional update on her life and on and on and on and maybe insert a nice poem here or a quote there. See the vast contrast?

 P.S - if you're looking for posts from my lala phase, Don't even bother to try because they're in another blog which I sort of abandoned ever since I transferred school. 



 

Buddha ordered pizza for me

   Quick update, it's exam month and I'm 21 days away from ending my life as a form 6. Like seriously, after 3 high schools it's about time I move on. Since its exam month aka hermit-at-home-under-pile-of-books month, I stayed at home and studied. (Horrible right? Haha jk I like studying, I just don't like applying) Basically I hung about my sister's living room and dining room to study, sort of helps because I can't really slack much downstairs. But really, it gets pretty depressing studying in a closed space for a long period. I often get panic attacks studying in my room (think I'm joking? Sadly no.)  Which is why my favorite spot for studying now is in the living room on a couch under a portrait of Buddha. Perhaps Buddha got sick of me constantly looking for food, when I ordered pizza that night, the pizza dude passed us the wrong bag. I paid 28 ringgit for 68 ringgit worth of pizza.

Mind you, I called dominoes pizza 5 freaking times because kesian the pizza delivery guy la (my Malaysian is showing ._.) and for all 5 times they bloody hell cut me off. I was so pissed and hungry, (pungry?) we just ate the pizza since its their fault they cut me off. Haha, my friends told me it probably was a blessing from Buddha. Well if it really is a blessing from Buddha, I think Buddha is testing me because he ordered beef. Just so you know, I can't take beef due to my belief. Did I eat it? (Ngehehehheehe no. Exam month la deyh. Siao ah. If Buddha can bless me with pizza Buddha can bless me in my studies. THINK OF THE POSSIBILITIES.) Perhaps I sound like a religious psychopath right now but hey, everything goes when it's exam month. Be good everybody, may You be blessed with pizza as well :D 

 Buddha approves religious psychopath (for minors, I'm joking. If you can't tell, get off this site and go to school)

Love for the sciences

  "What class are you in?" the petite girl a year younger asked after seeing me attempt to catch a bug while waiting for my ride home. "Bio class." I said as the bug before me showed no signs of being the right type for my bio experiment for taxonomy. I promptly gave up on the bug and returned to the girl before. She was probably waiting for an explanation on what I meant when I nonchalantly explained to her that I needed to bake the bugs. By all means, I suppose I do sound nuts. 
  "I need to collect a few insects for experiment. We're suppose to bake them alive and pin them afterwards." 
Probably sounded a lot more like ...
  "I bake insects because it's a wonderful treat. Especially when they're alive. I get to put them on display and eat them when I'm bored, hungry or both. It's a form of art and a favourite past time of mine. Did you know cockroaches tasted like chicken?" 

  Which is why I guess I do owe her quite an explanation. (Exaggerated much but yeah)  She slowly warmed up as I explained on about all the weird things I had to do ever since taking biology.
"Why didn't you take physics?" 
Hmmn.. Because I can't do physics... Simply put, I understand the theories and yet I can never put them to proper use. I must admit it's a lovely subject with all the theories, what puts me off is the calculations. Like really. No. NUH.
"How about accounts?"
Maths. More maths. (Coming from someone taking Technical Mathematics I really ought to shut up but haha, No) Well aside from not having the basics of accounts in high school I really never did ever see myself as an accountant in the future. It's just not me. Perhaps I could pick up the skill but I'd never be one.
"Means you like science?"
*A brief moment of silence as I waited to see which part of the argument in my head would serve as the victor.*
(Yes No what I don't know but I'm always complaining about how hard and tedious it is and how I'd rather write and draw at times. But you talk about it everyday don't you? Your phone is filled with lame science jokes and puns. You get excited about it for no apparent reason at times do you not?) Okay. I yield. I love the sciences no matter how I often complain about how I'm more of an artsy people person and act like I was forced into the sciences.

  -NEWSFLASH- writer recently found out she loves the sciences -NEWSFLASH-
Okay maybe it doesn't sound like that big of a deal to you but it is a big deal to me. It means I have another hint on what to do for my future career. All the signs were there and I never bothered to realise what it could've meant.

 But it's times like this you've gotta appreciate having friends
who share their perspective of you (albeit by means of stalking your social media or tolerating your character on a day to day basis. I'm still grateful.) On the right is a snapshot of a convo where the "class mom" sums me up from my tweets. Surprise surprise xD.

 And yes, Our group name is hell as we talk about our lives in hell. We discuss about maths in hell. We contemplate about life and where to get food in hell. Of course, our mascot is a potato. For we are all potatoes with a few single pringles mingling about.

So yeah, after much fuss. Yes, I do love the sciences even though it puts me through hell everyday (unconditional love no?) And I might not be as artsy smartsy as I thought but to hell with that, I'm evolving into a nerd of sorts.
                                     
  Nerds are cool. Just like bowties. 

     Bowties are cool. 

*Quote from The 11th doctor from Doctor Who* :)

STPM woes

  Got my monthly test results earlier today, had to pass it to guardians to sign. 2.75 CGPA not including MUET(english) which I got 89 marks = Band 6. Studied pretty hard for monthly test and the only thing I can say is that I actually did my best already. Studied biology so hard and I almost failed because teacher made the paper according to one sub topic which I apparently was just so LUCKY to NOT study due to time restrictions. Just my luck. Next was Chemistry, I understood revised consistently for it as well. But the thing is.. understanding and applying are totally different things.
TOTALLY DIFFERENT OKAY!

   Pengajian am aka general studies, I only revised a couple of times a week and managed to get A-. But I suppose I was lucky there wasn't essay for this test else I'd be doomed. Mathematics T? no comment. The darn thing is too overwhelming for me, I had to give my tutor a distress call and even he was astounded by the compact-ness of the new syllabus. Its just too overwhelming. Teacher doesn't even stop to revise because of the time restriction.

 I can only say that I feel like crap right now.

   I looked through the matriculation text books while in the bookstore and was pretty bothered by the vast difference between our syllabus. It probably fueled my dread even more to think that we STPM students are competing against Matriculation students who obviously have it so much more easier syllabus wise, for placement in university. One look at their Biology Chapter 1 and I could easily point out all the details and diagrams that weren't there, how detailed our syllabus is compared to theirs. Is it fair? Perhaps on some level since they don't get to go back to the comforts of their homes. But honestly? I don't think that is such a big deal. Being able to live alone comes down to your level of independence and level of maturity. 

  I've read all available informations about matriculation before I got rejected from it, after enrolling into form 6 and being able to compare between the two. I've become somewhat disheartened of my chances against them. Our co-curriculum grading system is totally different. It takes so much effort to score 10 whole points here and in matriculation.. competition between campus is counted as national level if not mistaken.

  All in all,  When something goes wrong, you have three choices. Let it break you, Let it define you or Let it make you stronger. Take your pick. As +kellyclarkson's song go.. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger :') 

Note** sources are from my own views as a form 6 student going through it and after reviewing lots of blogs written by matriculation students. I even emailed them personally before. Understand before you judge, this is my point of view.