After spending some time reading my old posts, I'm surprised to say that I was quite shocked at the vast contrast of the posts from when I started blogging to my current ones. Not only from the changes in writing style but the general feel of me as person from my words alone had changed. I felt like I just met my younger self through the old posts and what I saw was the exact reflection of the type of people I had come to disapprove of as I grew older. I mean it's nothing serious but ... damn I was such a child. (HAHAHAHAHAHA)
Thank goodness I grew out of it though, like really my old posts were filled with ^^ and (._.) . Truth to be told I would've deleted all of my old posts to hide proof of my past self if it weren't for the fact that I was really in my early teens. In Malaysia I suppose you would call it the typical LA-LA phase for a teenage girl. The inevitable phase where you shamelessly follow bad fashion trends and become one of those nasty girls just because. (Nasty is a bit of an over the top exaggeration, but from the perspective of a person who got bullied by a certain group, it'll suffice) Another shout out to my old self for getting over that particular phase quick enough, I mean it lasted for me for about.. 3 days to a week? Not bad really. I mean, it could've been worse. (I might've gone off prancing bout with lala hairstyle forever. Who would've known?)
But all in all, I've grown wiser AND smarter too. (hahaha cut me some slack I can praise myself once in a while now can't I? ) I can say that both the former and the latter were mostly attained ever since I joined STPM. STPM really did had a hand in making me feel much more vulnerable than I've ever been before but tougher than ever when it comes to being responsible for myself. Needless to say we learn many many things in STPM (famously branded for having a broad ranged syllabus) , Solving tough maths and chemistry questions continuously for a period of time really conditions one's brain to function much much more differently and dare I say much more efficient.
Need proof?
Look at the difference between science teachers and language teachers when it comes to delivering a message to the students. Usually the science teachers would cut off all the nonsense and get straight to the point while the language teachers would go on and on and on with an occasional update on her life and on and on and on and maybe insert a nice poem here or a quote there. See the vast contrast?
P.S - if you're looking for posts from my lala phase, Don't even bother to try because they're in another blog which I sort of abandoned ever since I transferred school.
Sunday 15 November 2015
Tuesday 10 November 2015
Buddha ordered pizza for me
Quick update, it's exam month and I'm 21 days away from ending my life as a form 6. Like seriously, after 3 high schools it's about time I move on. Since its exam month aka hermit-at-home-under-pile-of-books month, I stayed at home and studied. (Horrible right? Haha jk I like studying, I just don't like applying) Basically I hung about my sister's living room and dining room to study, sort of helps because I can't really slack much downstairs. But really, it gets pretty depressing studying in a closed space for a long period. I often get panic attacks studying in my room (think I'm joking? Sadly no.) Which is why my favorite spot for studying now is in the living room on a couch under a portrait of Buddha. Perhaps Buddha got sick of me constantly looking for food, when I ordered pizza that night, the pizza dude passed us the wrong bag. I paid 28 ringgit for 68 ringgit worth of pizza.
Buddha approves religious psychopath (for minors, I'm joking. If you can't tell, get off this site and go to school)
Saturday 10 October 2015
Love for the sciences
"What class are you in?" the petite girl a year younger asked after seeing me attempt to catch a bug while waiting for my ride home. "Bio class." I said as the bug before me showed no signs of being the right type for my bio experiment for taxonomy. I promptly gave up on the bug and returned to the girl before. She was probably waiting for an explanation on what I meant when I nonchalantly explained to her that I needed to bake the bugs. By all means, I suppose I do sound nuts.
"I need to collect a few insects for experiment. We're suppose to bake them alive and pin them afterwards."
Probably sounded a lot more like ...
"I bake insects because it's a wonderful treat. Especially when they're alive. I get to put them on display and eat them when I'm bored, hungry or both. It's a form of art and a favourite past time of mine. Did you know cockroaches tasted like chicken?"
Which is why I guess I do owe her quite an explanation. (Exaggerated much but yeah) She slowly warmed up as I explained on about all the weird things I had to do ever since taking biology.
"Why didn't you take physics?"
Hmmn.. Because I can't do physics... Simply put, I understand the theories and yet I can never put them to proper use. I must admit it's a lovely subject with all the theories, what puts me off is the calculations. Like really. No. NUH.
"How about accounts?"
Maths. More maths. (Coming from someone taking Technical Mathematics I really ought to shut up but haha, No) Well aside from not having the basics of accounts in high school I really never did ever see myself as an accountant in the future. It's just not me. Perhaps I could pick up the skill but I'd never be one.
"Means you like science?"
*A brief moment of silence as I waited to see which part of the argument in my head would serve as the victor.*
(Yes No what I don't know but I'm always complaining about how hard and tedious it is and how I'd rather write and draw at times. But you talk about it everyday don't you? Your phone is filled with lame science jokes and puns. You get excited about it for no apparent reason at times do you not?) Okay. I yield. I love the sciences no matter how I often complain about how I'm more of an artsy people person and act like I was forced into the sciences.
-NEWSFLASH- writer recently found out she loves the sciences -NEWSFLASH-
Okay maybe it doesn't sound like that big of a deal to you but it is a big deal to me. It means I have another hint on what to do for my future career. All the signs were there and I never bothered to realise what it could've meant.
But it's times like this you've gotta appreciate having friends
who share their perspective of you (albeit by means of stalking your social media or tolerating your character on a day to day basis. I'm still grateful.) On the right is a snapshot of a convo where the "class mom" sums me up from my tweets. Surprise surprise xD.
And yes, Our group name is hell as we talk about our lives in hell. We discuss about maths in hell. We contemplate about life and where to get food in hell. Of course, our mascot is a potato. For we are all potatoes with a few single pringles mingling about.
So yeah, after much fuss. Yes, I do love the sciences even though it puts me through hell everyday (unconditional love no?) And I might not be as artsy smartsy as I thought but to hell with that, I'm evolving into a nerd of sorts.
Nerds are cool. Just like bowties.
"I need to collect a few insects for experiment. We're suppose to bake them alive and pin them afterwards."
Probably sounded a lot more like ...
"I bake insects because it's a wonderful treat. Especially when they're alive. I get to put them on display and eat them when I'm bored, hungry or both. It's a form of art and a favourite past time of mine. Did you know cockroaches tasted like chicken?"
Which is why I guess I do owe her quite an explanation. (Exaggerated much but yeah) She slowly warmed up as I explained on about all the weird things I had to do ever since taking biology.
"Why didn't you take physics?"
Hmmn.. Because I can't do physics... Simply put, I understand the theories and yet I can never put them to proper use. I must admit it's a lovely subject with all the theories, what puts me off is the calculations. Like really. No. NUH.
"How about accounts?"
Maths. More maths. (Coming from someone taking Technical Mathematics I really ought to shut up but haha, No) Well aside from not having the basics of accounts in high school I really never did ever see myself as an accountant in the future. It's just not me. Perhaps I could pick up the skill but I'd never be one.
"Means you like science?"
*A brief moment of silence as I waited to see which part of the argument in my head would serve as the victor.*
(Yes No what I don't know but I'm always complaining about how hard and tedious it is and how I'd rather write and draw at times. But you talk about it everyday don't you? Your phone is filled with lame science jokes and puns. You get excited about it for no apparent reason at times do you not?) Okay. I yield. I love the sciences no matter how I often complain about how I'm more of an artsy people person and act like I was forced into the sciences.
-NEWSFLASH- writer recently found out she loves the sciences -NEWSFLASH-
Okay maybe it doesn't sound like that big of a deal to you but it is a big deal to me. It means I have another hint on what to do for my future career. All the signs were there and I never bothered to realise what it could've meant.
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But it's times like this you've gotta appreciate having friends
who share their perspective of you (albeit by means of stalking your social media or tolerating your character on a day to day basis. I'm still grateful.) On the right is a snapshot of a convo where the "class mom" sums me up from my tweets. Surprise surprise xD.
And yes, Our group name is hell as we talk about our lives in hell. We discuss about maths in hell. We contemplate about life and where to get food in hell. Of course, our mascot is a potato. For we are all potatoes with a few single pringles mingling about.
So yeah, after much fuss. Yes, I do love the sciences even though it puts me through hell everyday (unconditional love no?) And I might not be as artsy smartsy as I thought but to hell with that, I'm evolving into a nerd of sorts.
Nerds are cool. Just like bowties.
Bowties are cool.
*Quote from The 11th doctor from Doctor Who* :)Monday 31 August 2015
Just a thought : Death and me
It never really hit me that someone I loved was gone from my life till I came home from school one day and they just weren't there anymore. How do you explain death to a child? I don't recall having anyone give me an explanation. So I came to understand it by myself through my own perception.
When I was 7, My grandfather passed away during my first month of primary school. If I recall correctly, he was confined in bed during his last few days. During that time, I was spending my holiday in KL with my cousin. I had yet to return since I suppose that time no one bothered to think about getting a kid like me back home since it's not like I can help out much anyway. But somehow, I miraculously ended up in the hospital where my grandfather lay. It seems that he was reluctant to go without seeing someone. The adults couldn't figure out who, even the cousin from overseas rushed back, who else could it be. Turns out, It was me. Why me? I don't know. No really, I don't. I didn't even know what was happening, my sister was peeling skin off the grapes for my grandfather and my relatives were crowded at the end of his bed. In contrast of the visitors for the other patients, seems that grandpa's section looked the most lively. But not for long.
It never really occurred to me that he was gone for good, not even when I came home from school to see a coffin where my grandfather lay in satin nor when they moved the coffin and forbade children from participating in the burial. I suppose now I knew why, I would've freaked out and started screaming for them to stop. For them to stop and realize that my grandfather was in the box and it was not okay to bury him in the dirt, playtime was over so why won't they let him out?
Even after being old enough to tag along during the burial ceremony of a few of my relatives, I wished I didn't have to go. One that really hit me the most is during my aunt's funeral, we were all fine and dandy throughout the whole thing, till the moment they pushed her coffin behind closed doors and all we could see was flame from the other side. I was 12. And man did I cry like the little girl I was, Of course I got scolded by my aunts who were in tears as well.
Back then, I suppose, To me, death meant not being able to see someone anymore. When I came home from school and all that's left in the corner of grandfather's usual place in the shop was his blue plastic chair. No more old man with a jolly smile and black frames on his nose, not even the sight of his trusty umbrella in which he uses to stash money at times. I didn't have to call him for lunch, nor did I had to make up sign languages to get him to understand me anymore. My limited Hokkien never seemed to be a problem for me to converse with him, I just acted out whatever I had to tell him and he understood or maybe pretended to. But there was no need for that anymore. No more random trips for Soya bean and Pao in the evenings.
I remember every time I come back from school secretly crying over something, I would ask for him between sobs. I would keep on asking where he was and why he wasn't here, only to be answered by thin air and the sound of my own despair. I don't know why I did it, I just did. But once my mom told me that he comes back as a white butterfly once in a while to check on us, I never really did cry as much anymore. I just believed her without questioning anything, but somehow every once in a while a white butterfly roamed about at home. Which I would always assume to be my grandfather or any other ancestor.
So yeah, there you have it. My perception of death. Which in a way has a somewhat happy ending with souls coming back as white butterflies.
In memoir of my grandfather, branded for being mischievous and clumsy. But all in all a jolly man who is a kid at heart. May you rest in peace.
When I was 7, My grandfather passed away during my first month of primary school. If I recall correctly, he was confined in bed during his last few days. During that time, I was spending my holiday in KL with my cousin. I had yet to return since I suppose that time no one bothered to think about getting a kid like me back home since it's not like I can help out much anyway. But somehow, I miraculously ended up in the hospital where my grandfather lay. It seems that he was reluctant to go without seeing someone. The adults couldn't figure out who, even the cousin from overseas rushed back, who else could it be. Turns out, It was me. Why me? I don't know. No really, I don't. I didn't even know what was happening, my sister was peeling skin off the grapes for my grandfather and my relatives were crowded at the end of his bed. In contrast of the visitors for the other patients, seems that grandpa's section looked the most lively. But not for long.
It never really occurred to me that he was gone for good, not even when I came home from school to see a coffin where my grandfather lay in satin nor when they moved the coffin and forbade children from participating in the burial. I suppose now I knew why, I would've freaked out and started screaming for them to stop. For them to stop and realize that my grandfather was in the box and it was not okay to bury him in the dirt, playtime was over so why won't they let him out?
Even after being old enough to tag along during the burial ceremony of a few of my relatives, I wished I didn't have to go. One that really hit me the most is during my aunt's funeral, we were all fine and dandy throughout the whole thing, till the moment they pushed her coffin behind closed doors and all we could see was flame from the other side. I was 12. And man did I cry like the little girl I was, Of course I got scolded by my aunts who were in tears as well.
Back then, I suppose, To me, death meant not being able to see someone anymore. When I came home from school and all that's left in the corner of grandfather's usual place in the shop was his blue plastic chair. No more old man with a jolly smile and black frames on his nose, not even the sight of his trusty umbrella in which he uses to stash money at times. I didn't have to call him for lunch, nor did I had to make up sign languages to get him to understand me anymore. My limited Hokkien never seemed to be a problem for me to converse with him, I just acted out whatever I had to tell him and he understood or maybe pretended to. But there was no need for that anymore. No more random trips for Soya bean and Pao in the evenings.
I remember every time I come back from school secretly crying over something, I would ask for him between sobs. I would keep on asking where he was and why he wasn't here, only to be answered by thin air and the sound of my own despair. I don't know why I did it, I just did. But once my mom told me that he comes back as a white butterfly once in a while to check on us, I never really did cry as much anymore. I just believed her without questioning anything, but somehow every once in a while a white butterfly roamed about at home. Which I would always assume to be my grandfather or any other ancestor.
So yeah, there you have it. My perception of death. Which in a way has a somewhat happy ending with souls coming back as white butterflies.
In memoir of my grandfather, branded for being mischievous and clumsy. But all in all a jolly man who is a kid at heart. May you rest in peace.
Friday 24 July 2015
Rants and many mental screams
Recently got my results for STPM and mind you if seeing me cry a river is any indication of a somewhat good result in your opinion, you ought to get help. Yes my results weren't that great. Do I regret taking STPM? No. Not really. (But I do get annoyed when someone in the family said they chose this path for me or this path was wrong from the start. Bloody hell please just shut up for goodness sake)
Anyways, after we got our exam slips I sat down and talked with a group of close friends in class.
"So what will our parents say?" Each us giving the other a silent acknowledgement of the toughest part of getting results -- showing it to our family. One of my close indian friend said:
" I'm gonna ask my mom for a hug." I stared on into empty space and nonchalantly replied "Oh. Your mom hugs you." That earned a great fit of laughter from her despite my genuine remark. Does everyone's mom hug them often? But after confirming with Viv, turns out I wasn't the only one. Perhaps it's a chinese household thing. Or maybe it's just mine. Speaking of moms, I decided to make a call to my mom later that day.
Mom started off the conversation with some random things bout her garden and mischievous grandchildren. I listened and gave brief comments. Then came the main reason for the call, with her saying "actually you're studies also not bad all the while right." And I suppose thats where the convo took a massive turn. I picked up some quotes and advice from my mom from that call.
"What's the use of crying, Focus on what you can do next. Then you won't even have time to cry."
"If all I did was crying when something bad happens, I would've drowned in my tears long ago."
"Compare yourself with others and compare to death you shall"
"Like those TVB drama in the palace liddat, need to be sly a bit wan."(She was referring to 宫心计)
You probably can tell where I got my sense of humor from by now. Anyways, can't deny that she landed me with cold hard facts. Despite saying I shouldn't compare myself to others, She still compared me to my cousin who was dubbed "faster and better in all places". Suppose its a habit for typical asian moms to scar their children unknowingly. In all honesty I felt kind of god forbid me whats the word---- shitty. Suppose at that point I was mentally screaming in my head. Mom she' doing foundation. I'm doing STPM. It's different.It's so.much.more.harder. Mom I'm not useless. Mom I'm not dumb. Mom I got King's scouts. Mom I can converse in english. Mom I hold high posts in clubs. Mom I join competitions. Mom I don't go out and idle around. Mom I don't do drugs. Mom I behave. Mom, I do stuff. I do things other than sleeping too. I volunteer. I go for scouts. I teach children. My nasty hobby is reading. I may be a closed off introvert at home but I'm not like that outside. No one bothered to ask, No one bothered to listen. Competitions and awards were a waste of time. That's why I never told anyone even if I achieved something or signed up for something in school. Of course in the end it all comes down to me. It's my fault for being introverted when no one listens.It's..
Of course some parts of the mental screaming were irrational and totally immature. But hey, we all have our days. Sure it crippled my confidence and self esteem, but I suppose it was for the better after all. I was a tad bit grateful for the cold hard facts for it served me well after an emotional roller coaster though it did sting a bit too hard. Suppose that's the way things work in my family. Encouragement and trust given in non-verbal forms. Despite scoring badly for exams and me losing hope in actually excelling in anything related to science, I have my older sister asking me not to give up on the sciences because it was a waste. Arts could never go to the sciences. Why arts when you can do science?
I realised I was the official nerd of the family. The go-to person regarding any spell checks and science terms and theories. The nerd of the family not doing anything nerdy would be an utterly ridiculous thing. Bloody hell I don't give a damn if it's a waste. I like it but I don't like it enough to do it every single god damned day of my life and sucking at it. Talk about following your passion. Bullshit. The market demands this demands that. Why do I need to follow the markets demands on manpower? The market changes. It bloody hell CHANGES. Why can't I learn stuff I actually like? Nerd of the family cannot do business course theres so many people doing it. YES THERE'S 7 BILLION HUMANS OUT THERE DOING THE SAME COURSE. BREATHING THE SAME AIR. Its inevitable. Nerd of the family not taken seriously when explaining stuff because I'm being too nerdy to listen to.
Do excuse the vulgar choice of words. Mind you, this is the only place the nerd of the family vents out without much logic and sense. Of course in reality I don't make much sense as well. Constantly overwhelmed. Did I mention that I think maybe someone accidentally injected me with loads of serotonin and cortisol.
Anyways, after we got our exam slips I sat down and talked with a group of close friends in class.
"So what will our parents say?" Each us giving the other a silent acknowledgement of the toughest part of getting results -- showing it to our family. One of my close indian friend said:
" I'm gonna ask my mom for a hug." I stared on into empty space and nonchalantly replied "Oh. Your mom hugs you." That earned a great fit of laughter from her despite my genuine remark. Does everyone's mom hug them often? But after confirming with Viv, turns out I wasn't the only one. Perhaps it's a chinese household thing. Or maybe it's just mine. Speaking of moms, I decided to make a call to my mom later that day.
Mom started off the conversation with some random things bout her garden and mischievous grandchildren. I listened and gave brief comments. Then came the main reason for the call, with her saying "actually you're studies also not bad all the while right." And I suppose thats where the convo took a massive turn. I picked up some quotes and advice from my mom from that call.
"What's the use of crying, Focus on what you can do next. Then you won't even have time to cry."
"If all I did was crying when something bad happens, I would've drowned in my tears long ago."
"Compare yourself with others and compare to death you shall"
"Like those TVB drama in the palace liddat, need to be sly a bit wan."(She was referring to 宫心计)
You probably can tell where I got my sense of humor from by now. Anyways, can't deny that she landed me with cold hard facts. Despite saying I shouldn't compare myself to others, She still compared me to my cousin who was dubbed "faster and better in all places". Suppose its a habit for typical asian moms to scar their children unknowingly. In all honesty I felt kind of god forbid me whats the word---- shitty. Suppose at that point I was mentally screaming in my head. Mom she' doing foundation. I'm doing STPM. It's different.It's so.much.more.harder. Mom I'm not useless. Mom I'm not dumb. Mom I got King's scouts. Mom I can converse in english. Mom I hold high posts in clubs. Mom I join competitions. Mom I don't go out and idle around. Mom I don't do drugs. Mom I behave. Mom, I do stuff. I do things other than sleeping too. I volunteer. I go for scouts. I teach children. My nasty hobby is reading. I may be a closed off introvert at home but I'm not like that outside. No one bothered to ask, No one bothered to listen. Competitions and awards were a waste of time. That's why I never told anyone even if I achieved something or signed up for something in school. Of course in the end it all comes down to me. It's my fault for being introverted when no one listens.It's..
Of course some parts of the mental screaming were irrational and totally immature. But hey, we all have our days. Sure it crippled my confidence and self esteem, but I suppose it was for the better after all. I was a tad bit grateful for the cold hard facts for it served me well after an emotional roller coaster though it did sting a bit too hard. Suppose that's the way things work in my family. Encouragement and trust given in non-verbal forms. Despite scoring badly for exams and me losing hope in actually excelling in anything related to science, I have my older sister asking me not to give up on the sciences because it was a waste. Arts could never go to the sciences. Why arts when you can do science?
I realised I was the official nerd of the family. The go-to person regarding any spell checks and science terms and theories. The nerd of the family not doing anything nerdy would be an utterly ridiculous thing. Bloody hell I don't give a damn if it's a waste. I like it but I don't like it enough to do it every single god damned day of my life and sucking at it. Talk about following your passion. Bullshit. The market demands this demands that. Why do I need to follow the markets demands on manpower? The market changes. It bloody hell CHANGES. Why can't I learn stuff I actually like? Nerd of the family cannot do business course theres so many people doing it. YES THERE'S 7 BILLION HUMANS OUT THERE DOING THE SAME COURSE. BREATHING THE SAME AIR. Its inevitable. Nerd of the family not taken seriously when explaining stuff because I'm being too nerdy to listen to.
Do excuse the vulgar choice of words. Mind you, this is the only place the nerd of the family vents out without much logic and sense. Of course in reality I don't make much sense as well. Constantly overwhelmed. Did I mention that I think maybe someone accidentally injected me with loads of serotonin and cortisol.
Friday 17 July 2015
Just a thought: Materialistic or Personal Growth driven?
Been scrolling through my blogger subscription box while semi-convincing myself every second that I ought to study right after this. My friend's beauty blog caught my eye, it was a post about the Naked 3 make up palette. To put it straight, I ended up going through her lists of posts and found myself mesmerised by the varieties of products that I could try. Of course the me from 6 years ago would diss me for even glancing at those things which also proves another fact, people change. You will never be the same person you are yesterday. But back to the topic, Looking at all the things that I would love to acquire for the sake of it. Is it wrong? Is this what they call guilty pleasures?
Extravagant dress rentals popping up at your facebook feed luring you with it's sheer momentarily fun; Beauty vlogs where ghouls miraculously transform into beauties; Instagram feeds with ordinary next door folk turned diva; Travelling folks giving you a glimpse of their life that gives you wanderlust.
All these luxuries before me and my consciousness telling me how some of the luxuries are doing more harm than good to the world and to myself. Clothes which stain the rivers with their toxic chemical remains, Non biodegradable products tossed out and forgotten, People filled with uncertainties and self doubt about themselves. ( Please take note that I specifically stated TOXIC chemicals, not all chemicals are bad. Heck without chemistry you wouldn't even be breathing by now.More on this matter in future post if possible, so please don't diss chemicals in general in a negative remark)
I've seen people who had plastic surgery looking ever so doubtful about their looks to the point of having to get assurance from others with constant streams of questions regarding their appearance. People having so many stuff that they spend more time being stressed out about it rather than feeling good about themselves.
A few links you can check out regarding this matter.
Adam shares life after clearing his debt.
My personal favourite talk which was such an eye opener. The ten item wardrobe, Honestly would love to actually do this.
Have yet to actually watch this myself but judging from the amount of views, I'm guessing it's worth your time.
Personally would love to live a minimalist lifestyle myself when I finally move out and have a stable income. Perhaps a studio apartment (or just some decent apartment) with comfortable space to move about. I foresee a sleeping area with a futon like bed and perhaps a lamp on a piled up stash of books, the only other thing that might be in there would be a rack for my 10 item wardrobe. Suppose the only other things I need are desk,chair,laptop and bookshelves. The only thing in abundance in my future home would be fruits, potted plants and books. But I'm considering on donating the books and only keeping the few that truly inspires me.
Well let's not dwell on that for long, Quoting Tony Robbins a successful live coach and philanthropist "what you focus on, you fuel." (Not really the exact words but close enough) So lets talk about personal growth and self recognition. First off, ask yourself.
It really baffles me at times how little I know about myself. I spent 19 years with myself and yet I can't list out with ease all the things about myself when asked. (More so the reason to stay single) I'm confused at what I want in life.
Reason I'm in dilemma about what I'm doing with my life.
though oftentimes better than master of one. This certainly made me feel much better about myself. Speaking of feeling good about yourself, here's a few more ted talks I feel are worth watching.
Meaghan walks through the impacts of low body and image confidence.
Definitely one of my favourite Ted talks. Simon Sinek's talks are purely eye opening and inspiring.Do check out his other talks as well.
I know I've been going on and off course with this post but perhaps that's how life is. One moment you're obsessed with things and perhaps the other you're fascinated and fully submerged in an activity. What drives you?
Extravagant dress rentals popping up at your facebook feed luring you with it's sheer momentarily fun; Beauty vlogs where ghouls miraculously transform into beauties; Instagram feeds with ordinary next door folk turned diva; Travelling folks giving you a glimpse of their life that gives you wanderlust.
All these luxuries before me and my consciousness telling me how some of the luxuries are doing more harm than good to the world and to myself. Clothes which stain the rivers with their toxic chemical remains, Non biodegradable products tossed out and forgotten, People filled with uncertainties and self doubt about themselves. ( Please take note that I specifically stated TOXIC chemicals, not all chemicals are bad. Heck without chemistry you wouldn't even be breathing by now.More on this matter in future post if possible, so please don't diss chemicals in general in a negative remark)
I've seen people who had plastic surgery looking ever so doubtful about their looks to the point of having to get assurance from others with constant streams of questions regarding their appearance. People having so many stuff that they spend more time being stressed out about it rather than feeling good about themselves.
A few links you can check out regarding this matter.
Adam shares life after clearing his debt.
My personal favourite talk which was such an eye opener. The ten item wardrobe, Honestly would love to actually do this.
Have yet to actually watch this myself but judging from the amount of views, I'm guessing it's worth your time.
Personally would love to live a minimalist lifestyle myself when I finally move out and have a stable income. Perhaps a studio apartment (or just some decent apartment) with comfortable space to move about. I foresee a sleeping area with a futon like bed and perhaps a lamp on a piled up stash of books, the only other thing that might be in there would be a rack for my 10 item wardrobe. Suppose the only other things I need are desk,chair,laptop and bookshelves. The only thing in abundance in my future home would be fruits, potted plants and books. But I'm considering on donating the books and only keeping the few that truly inspires me.
Well let's not dwell on that for long, Quoting Tony Robbins a successful live coach and philanthropist "what you focus on, you fuel." (Not really the exact words but close enough) So lets talk about personal growth and self recognition. First off, ask yourself.
"How well do I know about myself?"
If the answer is not very well, then you my friend, are boarding on the same ship as me. What am I good at? What are my flaws? What do I need to work on? Who am I? What do I like?It really baffles me at times how little I know about myself. I spent 19 years with myself and yet I can't list out with ease all the things about myself when asked. (More so the reason to stay single) I'm confused at what I want in life.
Reason I'm in dilemma about what I'm doing with my life.
I'm jack of all trades,master of none.
This certainly made it hard for me to make a decision on what course to take on for further education, plus the fact that the idiom above is usually used in negative remarks. But not until recently did I come across the full version of this particular idiom.
Jack of all trades, master of none,
Sunday 12 July 2015
Adventure at Broga Hill, Semenyih :)
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| The Five of Wands : An exciting challenge which raises he adrenaline. Competitions; A need to prove oneself. Sporting interests could now be stimulated. (literal translation: suck it up and get your ass up that hill.Its worth it.) |
After breakfast we headed to Semenyih in two separate cars. Along the way we cracked some lame jokes and pleasant small talks while some would nap the instant they got into the car. And the journey starts at the palm oil estate which was the entrance towards the beginning of the hike and the end of my reputation as a king's scout. *sigh*
I was quite optimistic about it before we started. But the mere hike to the actual start of the trail burnt half of the optimistic thoughts I had. I masked my tiredness quite well at the beginning, but it inevitably came to a point where I started panting like a dog gasping for air. Not long after when the trail started getting steeper and steeper, I stopped altogether and tried to get a hold of myself. My heart was pounding at a rate that gave me the chills and my legs were under loads of strain. There I stood in the middle of the slope while the others got ahead. I regathered myself after a few minutes and continued on, unbeknownst to me that there was a shadow there giving me a nod when I lifted my head up to keep going. I was surprised that Jcen stayed on, but I suppose it was to be expected. He gave a few pointers here and there on hiking and waited patiently each time I took some time to regather my breath. Albeit taking quite a few brief stops , I kept going somehow. It's either because I was stubborn for the sake of my reputation or having Jcen there shadowing me throughout that particular trail where I was suffering. I am deeply grateful that he didn't comment much nor pressured me, he just waited patiently and that was all I needed.
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| nope nope nope not tired *pants* |
After pushing myself to reach the first resting platform (semi-peak) where everyone else was, I noticed that Shang and another girl was missing. And it occurred to me that I wasn't the only one struggling but nevertheless I couldn't help but think that it was suppose to be my responsibility to take care of the girls and yet here I am struggling as well. Jcen gave me some rehydration salt for my water while we waited for Shang and Amy to come along.
Gradually I took less stops but eventually the trail got REAL STEEP. This time Kaicen shadowed me (bless you child, and if you're wondering. Yes, they're brothers) After reaching the first peak (like finally) I couldn't help but stop ad stare at the scenery before me. Sure it was a huge pain in the ass to climb all the way up here and puke all the remains of breakfast 400m above sea level but the scenery just made it - worth every single bit.
(And of course I'm sorry you guys had to witness me puking -- there goes all the tosai and milo)
The hike toward the second peak was fast paced and to reach the third peak we had to climb through a boulder. I found myself being way better at climbing than hiking (maybe I ought to take up rock climbing), but then again I couldn't have done it without Wei Zhong pulling at the other end. (Kudos to him :D) We eventually made it to the top in the end with non of us giving up halfway and I'm grateful. I swear I couldn't have done it without any of them and silently I was proud that I made it to the top.( take that you nasty self doubt)
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| WZ anchoring |
Cendol and Noodles for lunch with durian for dessert :D What more could I ask for?
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| CENDOL :D |
One thing I noticed was that the folk there had a queer way of saying things. For example, when we paid. The lady was like..
:"YEE MEE? RM52. MEE HOON? RM32 "
I swear she scared the crap out of it when I paid. (She actually meant RM5.20 and RM3.20)
And then when we went for durian, the uncle pointed at 101 durian and stated
:"BOI IOI DURIAN VELI NAISE"
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| Durian IOI (lolololololol) |
Of course maybe IOI mall is referred as 101 mall for them. who knows? But all in all, they were rather friendly folk. A small family kindly shared a table with us as the place was crowded during lunch. We chatted with the family and suddenly the mother caught her baby girl glancing at us in excitement. The mother then told her child
:" Girl, you see the ones with specs are boys and the ones without are girls."
And true to her word, we looked around and had a great laugh bout something so blatantly obvious that had slipped our observations.
After lunch, we went fishing. I never fished before and it was rather exciting. But eventually most of us in our late teens got bored of it while the early teens were fully indulged in it. But the place was rather pleasant and I didn't mind doing nothing while the others fished. Doing nothing was basically a luxury for me at that point. (hahahaha) We fished for around 3 hours and departed from semenyih at 6pm or so.
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| WZ taught us how to fish :) |
There was by no means any romantic encounter at all so don't get me wrong.(Who needs prince charming when you have scouts?)
But truly, it was like a fairy tale.
Absolutely perfect day with my family :)
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| 3rd peak :) |
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| Deeply grateful for all the moral support |
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| WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO |
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| Shadow bros behind me |
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| Off for food :D |
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| And fishing :) |
Thursday 25 June 2015
Message to my 5 year old self
Hello little Jo :D
If you're not that absorbed into watching TV maybe you'd day dream about your future self writing to you at some point. First of all, Thank you. If you hadn't spent days reading and watching english cartoons, I ought to be in serious trouble by now. You spent your days reading those few worn out english story books saved from the fire with a musty scent of effervescence and ash.
Occasionally you'd get a dozen Doraemon comics from brother's book collection and have it stacked beside you as you read through book by book for the rest of the day. Those books were in Bahasa Malaysia and I felt proud thinking back that Doraemon taught you our national language of all people. I remembered you flipping through the same old book again for the hundredth time with the same glint and wonder in your eyes, It was wonderful to immerse yourself in a whole new world.
Looking back, you were the exact definition of an introvert. You went by without mingling with people your age as much as a normal kid would, the only constant companion you had was a cat, books and television. And it never occurred to you that it was a problem, because honestly it never was. If that didn't scream introvert, I don't know what does. Not to say that being an introvert is a bad thing, on the contrary I quite like it. But rest assured that you will eventually be a sociable person just like your parents. Though you don't exactly spend a much time as you should with them, I thank you for being a good child of knowing how to entertain yourself and a well behaved child for you did as you were told. I suppose I never really did purposely misbehave, perhaps its in my genes or maybe I've an old soul that knows better than to make others lives harder. Your siblings love bringing you out because of that though I never knew why, though maybe now I do.
Don't panic that your only earliest memory you own is of waking up and going downstairs to look for kakak. I admit that I panic even now thinking of what could've happened to the rest of my memory as there were proofs of much more me about mories existing prior to that in the form of pictures. Maybe I'm not me, Maybe some soul took over when I was sleeping that's why I couldn't remember anything. No matter what you think and what solution you come up with in your head, don't think much about it and just live and make the best out of it.
Don't worry about making friends or being yourself. You don't have to change yourself or buy friendship. The right kind of people will make their way into your life regardless of your true interest and opinion. Not only that, they will show you that you are worth more than you think. They scrape off your self doubt chunk by chunk and instill in you self esteem and acknowledgement. I never knew it was possible to meet people who just click with you and stand by you no matter what, not until I crossed path with many such wonderful angels in disguise. Yes you might run into some bullies along the way but all is well as long as you stay put and be firm with who you are, you'll see magic unfold.
You're no less than the others. So stop putting yourself down, sure you might feel like the underdog and shadow that's just there but just you wait. One day you'll be proud of who you've become. Looking back at old pictures, I recalled fading into the background. I recalled being second choice. I recalled being chosen over for another purely because of looks. Sure I was devastated and upset, but it didn't stop me from getting lots of other opportunities to show my worth. Years ago I wouldn't have dreamed of even leading a rover crew or being able to give spontaneous speeches in front of a huge audience.
Believe that you are of worth.
No one is destined to be in the shadows forever.
Keep your cool little Jo.
( I didn't remember you being so cool until I flipped through old pictures of you.)
And watch those late night disney channel story times while your parents sleep :P haha, Good times.
If you're not that absorbed into watching TV maybe you'd day dream about your future self writing to you at some point. First of all, Thank you. If you hadn't spent days reading and watching english cartoons, I ought to be in serious trouble by now. You spent your days reading those few worn out english story books saved from the fire with a musty scent of effervescence and ash.
Occasionally you'd get a dozen Doraemon comics from brother's book collection and have it stacked beside you as you read through book by book for the rest of the day. Those books were in Bahasa Malaysia and I felt proud thinking back that Doraemon taught you our national language of all people. I remembered you flipping through the same old book again for the hundredth time with the same glint and wonder in your eyes, It was wonderful to immerse yourself in a whole new world.
Looking back, you were the exact definition of an introvert. You went by without mingling with people your age as much as a normal kid would, the only constant companion you had was a cat, books and television. And it never occurred to you that it was a problem, because honestly it never was. If that didn't scream introvert, I don't know what does. Not to say that being an introvert is a bad thing, on the contrary I quite like it. But rest assured that you will eventually be a sociable person just like your parents. Though you don't exactly spend a much time as you should with them, I thank you for being a good child of knowing how to entertain yourself and a well behaved child for you did as you were told. I suppose I never really did purposely misbehave, perhaps its in my genes or maybe I've an old soul that knows better than to make others lives harder. Your siblings love bringing you out because of that though I never knew why, though maybe now I do.
Don't panic that your only earliest memory you own is of waking up and going downstairs to look for kakak. I admit that I panic even now thinking of what could've happened to the rest of my memory as there were proofs of much more me about mories existing prior to that in the form of pictures. Maybe I'm not me, Maybe some soul took over when I was sleeping that's why I couldn't remember anything. No matter what you think and what solution you come up with in your head, don't think much about it and just live and make the best out of it.
Don't worry about making friends or being yourself. You don't have to change yourself or buy friendship. The right kind of people will make their way into your life regardless of your true interest and opinion. Not only that, they will show you that you are worth more than you think. They scrape off your self doubt chunk by chunk and instill in you self esteem and acknowledgement. I never knew it was possible to meet people who just click with you and stand by you no matter what, not until I crossed path with many such wonderful angels in disguise. Yes you might run into some bullies along the way but all is well as long as you stay put and be firm with who you are, you'll see magic unfold.
You're no less than the others. So stop putting yourself down, sure you might feel like the underdog and shadow that's just there but just you wait. One day you'll be proud of who you've become. Looking back at old pictures, I recalled fading into the background. I recalled being second choice. I recalled being chosen over for another purely because of looks. Sure I was devastated and upset, but it didn't stop me from getting lots of other opportunities to show my worth. Years ago I wouldn't have dreamed of even leading a rover crew or being able to give spontaneous speeches in front of a huge audience.
Believe that you are of worth.
No one is destined to be in the shadows forever.
Keep your cool little Jo.
( I didn't remember you being so cool until I flipped through old pictures of you.)
And watch those late night disney channel story times while your parents sleep :P haha, Good times.
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| My 3rd sis and me |
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| signature peace sign that carries on till this day |
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| From the left, 4th sis,3rd sis,me and bro in law My dad's friend bought me that teddy bear :) |
Friday 12 June 2015
Just a thought: The need to be in a relationship
When you're single, all you see is happy couples.
And when you're taken, all you see is happy singles
Well that's true to some degree I suppose. Face it, some times you want to be in relationships and other times you just want people to leave you alone. But it's inevitable once you hit puberty. It's purely biology.
(crashcourse biology- biology basically means sex and not dying)
Blame your hormones all you want, as long as you take charge of your head and your heart, chances are.. you'll make it out unscathed. But truthfully, how hard is it to not want to be in a relationship?
When couples start forming all around you gradually.
When seniors can't make it for an activity on valentines day due to "plans"
When the girl sitting behind you fell in love with a schoolmate from your high school.
When your sisters dated so much more earlier than you.
When a person who isn't as naturally gifted in looks get into a relationship even before you had a chance to even taste it.
Perhaps I missed a meeting. Perhaps there was a relationship 101 that I didn't sign up for.
And looking at all the above. Reality hits you hard.
What has this need to be in a relationship done to you? You've become quite a spiteful person. Judging people and complaining like some grandma who witnessed the world war 3 firsthand (of course she didn't, duh)
Getting into a relationship doesn't make you a better person. Nor does it grant you access to some exclusive club only for couples. There's no need to rush into one blindly just to fulfill the ideal image of being in a relationship. That just proves that you're not mature to weigh the outcomes and consequences. Your thoughtless move may cause suffering for another person.
Instead, wait till the right person comes along. And pray hard that everything falls right into place with the aid of fate. For now, focus on understanding yourself.
haha. for instance, I didn't know I was quite the introvert till..
This Buzzfeed quiz got bullseye on everything I liked to do in the description.
But the word introvert glared at me like a stranger.
Okay I yield.
Introvert it is then.
Lesson learnt: There's always something to learn about yourself.
Just a thought : Taking control
Living in the era where one is constantly exposed to new information with or without intention can be useful yet nerve wrecking at the same time. There are the pros and the cons of being subsequently submerged in a sea of information throughout the day.
Have you ever stopped and realized that you were taking in a catchy song that may have somehow wormed its way into your head from a radio programme. Unbeknownst to you, That song might have lyrics that were meant to degrade people of different sexual preferences or foul language that really shouldn't be coming out of a decent person's mouth. Yet, that song is stuck in your head due to its terrifyingly catchy tune. This also leads to earworms where the songs just gets stuck in your head throughout the whole day while you carry out activities that doesn't require much thought.
But those pesky earworms favourite times to mingle around your head is non other than during exam where you're all stressed out. Having it stuck in your head is bad enough, having it drilling foul languages and degrading thoughts in your head is the worse part of it.
So choose carefully and take control of what you listen to.
Personally, I dread songs where females are seen as solely an item of sex rather than of the same class of beings. This brings me to another point, it's because of influences like this that till this day females no matter how educated will still be looked downed as merely a doll mainly for household chores and reproductive uses.
Stares, cat calls and disgusting smirks from these type of men more often than not just makes it hard for females today believe whether civilization is actually moving forward or actually back tracking. I wouldn't call myself a feminist for I have done nothing to contribute to that movement, I am but a human being asking for respect among human beings regardless of sex. How hard is it to actually respect another?
To girls (boys too) , If someone even shows a hint of disrespect and rudeness, don't even bother with them. Just detach yourself from them and remember that
Have you ever stopped and realized that you were taking in a catchy song that may have somehow wormed its way into your head from a radio programme. Unbeknownst to you, That song might have lyrics that were meant to degrade people of different sexual preferences or foul language that really shouldn't be coming out of a decent person's mouth. Yet, that song is stuck in your head due to its terrifyingly catchy tune. This also leads to earworms where the songs just gets stuck in your head throughout the whole day while you carry out activities that doesn't require much thought.
But those pesky earworms favourite times to mingle around your head is non other than during exam where you're all stressed out. Having it stuck in your head is bad enough, having it drilling foul languages and degrading thoughts in your head is the worse part of it.
So choose carefully and take control of what you listen to.
Personally, I dread songs where females are seen as solely an item of sex rather than of the same class of beings. This brings me to another point, it's because of influences like this that till this day females no matter how educated will still be looked downed as merely a doll mainly for household chores and reproductive uses.
Stares, cat calls and disgusting smirks from these type of men more often than not just makes it hard for females today believe whether civilization is actually moving forward or actually back tracking. I wouldn't call myself a feminist for I have done nothing to contribute to that movement, I am but a human being asking for respect among human beings regardless of sex. How hard is it to actually respect another?
To girls (boys too) , If someone even shows a hint of disrespect and rudeness, don't even bother with them. Just detach yourself from them and remember that
"I matter."
That's all you really need.
Don't ever forget that.
If someone disrespects you in any way, they don't deserve your time. Don't make a fuss about it, just detach and move on.
Mingle with civilised people. For when you spend time with people of worth, you become worthy yourself.There's a study that says that you are the average of the people you spend most your time with. I find that quite true.
So choose carefully and take control of who you spend your time with.
Ever been so caught up in a video marathon on youtube whether it be buzzfeed (buzzfeed videos are awesome! ) or cat videos that you lose your sense of time? I've wasted countless hours just watching something that has nothing to do with me on a personal level but appeared on my suggestion box. But of course, Some of these videos (if you're going on a beneficial video marathon) will get you thinking. How kids react to certain things and how the reality is like. I sometimes find myself forcing myself through a video even though it wa boring. (why do I do this to myself...)
Movies on the other hand are a total different story. The movies we watched while growing up might've caused some of us to be inspired i.e Mulan. But then again, having being used to all the gore and blood in movies and stuff really makes getting stabbed and bleeding a pool of blood seem like nothing. But in reality, It should send chills up our spine even thinking about it. Test yourself, when you imagined a person getting stabbed and being surrounded a pool of his own blood, what went through your head? I'm presuming that it resembles something like "meh" or "lol" So how much did movies and dramas affect our perspective?
So choose wisely the things you let yourself watch.
Of course after going through all that, there will be inevitable times when you just can't jump out of the car when your mom is driving and perhaps humming to a rap song that unbeknownst to her has something to do with big butts and genitals. Till you get the chance to jump out of the vehicle,
Take control of your thoughts.
Sunday 7 June 2015
The dilemma
Dilemma - a situation in which a difficult choice has to be made between two or more alternatives, especially equally undesirable ones
I suppose everyone of us experiences a dilemma from time to time. Like here I am deciding on what to write after such a long time. So I settled with something that has been lurking around in my mind for a while now.
How does one deal with dilemmas ? Is it a must to pick sides?
I've learnt that there's no absolute solution but there are solutions that can minimize the risk of the problem to a state that can be handled. So what's the solution here?
You can run but you can't run forever.
Sooner or later it's either pick a choice or the choice picks you. But then again that will just ruin you, Tony Robbins , a successful life coach and philanthropist said that we all have a power to change our lives. And that is the power of choice. Get the ripped away from you and you are nothing but a slave who is restricted.
There isn't always a win-win solution, So what will you do?
My best bet for now is have a good cry over it and think it over for a day before making a decision just on the spur of the moment for the sake of getting a solution. Perhaps my perspective and way of handling will change, And I sincerely hope it does do me well in the future when handling dilemmas.
I suppose everyone of us experiences a dilemma from time to time. Like here I am deciding on what to write after such a long time. So I settled with something that has been lurking around in my mind for a while now.
How does one deal with dilemmas ? Is it a must to pick sides?
I've learnt that there's no absolute solution but there are solutions that can minimize the risk of the problem to a state that can be handled. So what's the solution here?
You can run but you can't run forever.
Sooner or later it's either pick a choice or the choice picks you. But then again that will just ruin you, Tony Robbins , a successful life coach and philanthropist said that we all have a power to change our lives. And that is the power of choice. Get the ripped away from you and you are nothing but a slave who is restricted.
There isn't always a win-win solution, So what will you do?
My best bet for now is have a good cry over it and think it over for a day before making a decision just on the spur of the moment for the sake of getting a solution. Perhaps my perspective and way of handling will change, And I sincerely hope it does do me well in the future when handling dilemmas.
Sunday 17 May 2015
A crisis and a haircut
STPM semester is in 2 days. I'm officially in YOLO mode for the past two days after breaking down and cried over how useless I am. Lol. Caught myself thinking about how it's all fine and dandy and I can always retake if I fail...again. Truth to be told I'm probably at the lowest point of my life now, a crisis. No I'm not going through poverty, No I'm not homeless, but I am lifeless. I don't have the drive to live anymore. I've put off so many things that I love , so many new experiences and lifestyles for so long that I don't even know who I am anymore. I've come to realise that I don't know what I like, what I dislike, what I'm good at. I can feel the life being sucked out of me slowly. I've always thought it was fine the way my life was, till even a hairstylist could describe my whole life with me reluctantly admitting to every single question that confirms that I'm pretty much lifeless.
I'm 19. I'm stuck at home. Confined by the walls that I've built around myself.So I went for a haircut since.. Idk that's what people do in movies right? Get a haircut after a break up. Except my boyfriend is imaginary and the area around my eyes are speckled with blotches of red ness (covered with make up of course) before I went out for a hair cut.
The lady in the shop led me to the chair of fortune. No one knows whether you'll walk out worse than before or better. I braced myself and sat down. A woman with brown mushroom hair tended to me and started by bestowing a towel upon my shoulder. She then started lathering my hair with some liquid from a seemingly deceiving ketchup bottle. After staring for a while and realizing that it be awkward if I continued staring through the mirror, I reached for the magazine in front of me and mechanically flipped through it. It felt like such a long time since I had the freedom to read magazines... Till...a man clad with white T and jeans stared on as the lady dried my hair. (Um this is awkward.maybe he'll go away after a while) To my horror, the man took the hairdryer away from her and ordered her away. Then came another dude to dry my rather atrocious hair. (And just got familiar with the lady...gosh.) the dude left and the white shirt guy reached for scissors and ...
Your hair is so thick!
Yep.genes. (The usual rants I get from EVERY HAIRSTYLIST IVE GONE TO)
But it's in a rather..terrible state.
Yeah,haven't had the time to tend to it.(Yep.someone just shoot me now)
So what do you want?
Short. How short can I go? Since it's already so Teribble. Might as well chop it off.
But it's such a shame. It's still healthy here and here. It's not that bad.I suggest it longer to frame your face too!
._. Um sure.okay then. Whatever you say.*so after staying quiet for some time he spoke up again*
Don't I look like a local?
Nope.Very Obviously not.
But why? I've managed to blend in quite well.
Your accent gave you away.
Is it that obvious?
Uh huh (trying not to move while he snipped my hair off)
He went quiet for a sec and I couldn't help but ask where he was from.
*laughs* why don't you guess?
Um.. Don't get mad.. Uh Taiwan?
Why would I get mad? Is Taiwan bad?*laughs*
(Shit nonono..) haha just had worse place in my head...like..
China. Im actually from China.
(Yep.china. I dare not say China since quite a few people get offended for being labeled as China Chinese. I don't know why so I didn't take the risk.)
Oh really?
Yep.*continues raking my hair with a comb*
ah.. That explains. Your accent is very pleasant ( very attractive is what I meant hahaha)
Really?! Wow I have some good points after all.
(Hahaha um yeah.what do I say now. I must be such a weirdo for finding mainland Chinese accent to be dang attractive.)*a moment of silence for being a weirdo*
....
...
..
.
Don't you go out with friends?
(Um..yeah like totally..how bout that time.wait no..but yeah that time we went..oh wait no..crap.) Not often..
Aren't people your age suppose to be hanging out and stuff?
I guess so..
So you stay at home and study/read?
Um..no..oh well.. Pretty much (read newspaper, articles and stuff)
But you're 19, got a boyfriend?
Nope.
Why not?
Why not indeed. Letting fate do its job.(problematic, commitment, time consuming)
A makeover and a bit of tidying up can do a much better job than fate. I'm sure loads of guys would fawn over you.
Well, I don't need bad fate and attract bad relationships.(My family brainwashed me to refrain from it after getting advise from some feng shui master)
You plan to be single forever?
No. *laughs* if I don't know how to study then I'll just get married (full of sarcasm.i know.But hey, he thought it was funny.)
Well aren't you a good girl.
.... (Just how do I respond god I can't even .. He's right. Shit.)
Do you drink? (Of course I know he meant alcohol)
Yeah.lol.
Don't learn bad things. (As in don't do drugs etc)
Lol um sure.(now this is going nowhere )
So do you read manga?
Yep.(oh shit I got classified into otakus)
What manga?
Just some of the popular ones.(Shit do I share any manga? If I admit it aren't I a real life otaku?)
You should take care of yourself more. Invest and have fun :)
--convo continues--
Mostly he ranted on how terrible my hair was and laughed it off. Also gave me a pep talk on HAHAHAHA ...being attractive.
I listened. Regardless of the contents since
1st. His accent was music to my ears. (There's just something about mainland Chinese accent that's so... Rounded? Idk.)
2nd. Free advice. WOO HOO.
Generally felt better after the hair cut. I sincerely deeply appreciate the work he had done on my "teribble hair" and the pep talk. It was overall a pleasant experience. I suppose this is why people get a haircut after some emotional breakdown. It's soothing in some way. The massages and having two people tending to your hair is bliss.
Definitely would go back for a hair treatment soon. (Haha so I could maybe hear him talk. Gosh that accent)
Maybe I shouldn't give up on exams just yet. Maybe I should try my best. And who knows, I might actually get some results. But I guess I'll try and get through exams. Then take the advice and start taking care of myself as a 19 year old, not a grandma with 15 cats at home.
I promise to dedicate enough time to take care of my body and my soul ..after exams. And perhaps really live after so long. :)
And to the hairstylist. Thank you ;)
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