Message to my 5 year old self

  Hello little Jo :D

   If you're not that absorbed into watching TV maybe you'd day dream about your future self writing to you at some point. First of all, Thank you. If you hadn't spent days reading and watching english cartoons, I ought to be in serious trouble by now. You spent your days reading those few worn out english story books saved from the fire with a musty scent of effervescence and ash. 
    
   Occasionally you'd get a dozen Doraemon comics from brother's book collection and have it stacked beside you as you read through book by book for the rest of the day. Those books were in Bahasa Malaysia and I felt proud thinking back that Doraemon taught you our national language of all people. I remembered you flipping through the same old book again for the hundredth time with the same glint and wonder in your eyes, It was wonderful to immerse yourself in a whole new world. 

   Looking back, you were the exact definition of an introvert. You went by without mingling with people your age as much as a normal kid would, the only constant companion you had was a cat, books and television. And it never occurred to you that it was a problem, because honestly it never was. If that didn't scream introvert, I don't know what does. Not to say that being an introvert is a bad thing, on the contrary I quite like it. But rest assured that you will eventually be a sociable person just like your parents. Though you don't exactly spend a much time as you should with them, I thank you for being a good child of knowing how to entertain yourself and a well behaved child for you did as you were told. I suppose I never really did purposely misbehave, perhaps its in my genes or maybe I've an old soul that knows better than to make others lives harder. Your siblings love bringing you out because of that though I never knew why, though maybe now I do. 

  Don't panic that your only earliest memory you own is of waking up and going downstairs to look for kakak. I admit that I panic even now thinking of what could've happened to the rest of my memory as there were proofs of much more me about mories existing prior to that in the form of pictures. Maybe I'm not me, Maybe some soul took over when I was sleeping that's why I couldn't remember anything. No matter what you think and what solution you come up with in your head, don't think much about it and just live and make the best out of it. 

  Don't worry about making friends or being yourself. You don't have to change yourself or buy friendship. The right kind of people will make their way into your life regardless of your true interest and opinion. Not only that, they will show you that you are worth more than you think. They scrape off your self doubt chunk by chunk and instill in you self esteem and acknowledgement. I never knew it was possible to meet people who just click with you and stand by you no matter what, not until I crossed path with many such wonderful angels in disguise. Yes you might run into some bullies along the way but all is well as long as you stay put and be firm with who you are, you'll see magic unfold.



  You're no less than the others. So stop putting yourself down, sure you might feel like the underdog and shadow that's just there but just you wait. One day you'll be proud of who you've become. Looking back at old pictures, I recalled fading into the background. I recalled being second choice. I recalled being chosen over for another purely because of looks. Sure I was devastated and upset, but it didn't stop me from getting lots of other opportunities to show my worth. Years ago I wouldn't have dreamed of even leading a rover crew or being able to give spontaneous speeches in front of a huge audience. 

Believe that you are of worth.
                   No one is destined to be in the shadows forever.
Keep your cool little Jo.
( I didn't remember you being so cool until I flipped through old pictures of you.)
And watch those late night disney channel story times while your parents sleep :P haha, Good times. 

My 3rd sis and me

signature peace sign that carries on till this day

From the left, 4th sis,3rd sis,me and bro in law
My dad's friend bought me that teddy bear :)

  

Just a thought: The need to be in a relationship

When you're single, all you see is happy couples.

                                                    And when you're taken, all you see is happy singles

Well that's true to some degree I suppose. Face it, some times you want to be in relationships and other times you just want people to leave you alone. But it's inevitable once you hit puberty. It's purely biology.

(crashcourse biology- biology basically means sex and not dying) 

  Blame your hormones all you want, as long as you take charge of your head and your heart, chances are.. you'll make it out unscathed. But truthfully, how hard is it to not want to be in a relationship? 

  When couples start forming all around you gradually.

  When seniors can't make it for an activity on valentines day due to "plans"

  When the girl sitting behind you fell in love with a schoolmate from your high school.

  
When your sisters dated so much more earlier than you.

 When a person who isn't as naturally gifted in looks get into a relationship even before you had a chance to even taste it. 

Perhaps I missed a meeting. Perhaps there was a relationship 101 that I didn't sign up for.

And looking at all the above. Reality hits you hard.

What has this need to be in a relationship done to you? You've become quite a spiteful person. Judging people and complaining like some grandma who witnessed the world war 3 firsthand (of course she didn't, duh) 

Getting into a relationship doesn't make you a better person. Nor does it grant you access to some exclusive club only for couples. There's no need to rush into one blindly just to fulfill the ideal image of being in a relationship. That just proves that you're not mature to weigh the outcomes and consequences. Your thoughtless move may cause suffering for another person. 

 Instead, wait till the right person comes along. And pray hard that everything falls right into place with the aid of fate. For now, focus on understanding yourself. 

haha. for instance, I didn't know I was quite the introvert till..

This Buzzfeed quiz got bullseye on everything I liked to do in the description. 

But the word introvert glared at me like a stranger. 

Okay I yield.

              Introvert it is then.

 Lesson learnt: There's always something to learn about yourself. 

Just a thought : Taking control

 Living in the era where one is constantly exposed to new information with or without intention can be useful yet nerve wrecking at the same time. There are the pros and the cons of being subsequently submerged in a sea of information throughout the day.

    Have you ever stopped and realized that you were taking in a catchy song that may have somehow wormed its way into your head from a radio programme. Unbeknownst to you, That song might have lyrics that were meant to degrade people of different sexual preferences or foul language that really shouldn't be coming out of a decent person's mouth. Yet, that song is stuck in your head due to its terrifyingly catchy tune. This also leads to earworms where the songs just gets stuck in your head throughout the whole day while you carry out activities that doesn't require much thought. 

 But those pesky earworms favourite times to mingle around your head is non other than during exam where you're all stressed out. Having it stuck in your head is bad enough, having it drilling foul languages and degrading thoughts in your head is the worse part of it. 

 So choose carefully and take control of what you listen to.

 Personally, I dread songs where females are seen as solely an item of sex rather than of the same class of beings. This brings me to another point, it's because of influences like this that till this day females no matter how educated will still be looked downed as merely a doll mainly for household chores and reproductive uses. 

   Stares, cat calls and disgusting smirks from these type of men more often than not just makes it hard for females today believe whether civilization is actually moving forward or actually back tracking. I wouldn't call myself a feminist for I have done nothing to contribute to that movement, I am but a human being asking for respect among human beings regardless of sex. How hard is it to actually respect another? 

To girls (boys too) , If someone even shows a hint of disrespect and rudeness, don't even bother with them. Just detach yourself from them and remember that 

  "I matter."

  

  That's all you really need. 

                       Don't ever forget that.

 If someone disrespects you in any way, they don't deserve your time. Don't make a fuss about it, just detach and move on. 

    Mingle with civilised people. For when you spend time with people of worth, you become worthy yourself.There's a study that says that you are the average of the people you spend most your time with. I find that quite true.

 So choose carefully and take control of who you spend your time with. 

  Ever been so caught up in a video marathon on youtube whether it be buzzfeed (buzzfeed videos are awesome! ) or cat videos that you lose your sense of time? I've wasted countless hours just watching something that has nothing to do with me on a personal level but appeared on my suggestion box. But of course, Some of these videos (if you're going on a beneficial video marathon) will get you thinking. How kids react to certain things and how the reality is like. I sometimes find myself forcing myself through a video even though it wa boring. (why do I do this to myself...)

  Movies on the other hand are a total different story. The movies we watched while growing up might've caused some of us to be inspired i.e Mulan. But then again, having being used to all the gore and blood in movies and stuff really makes getting stabbed and bleeding a pool of blood seem like nothing. But in reality, It should send chills up our spine even thinking about it. Test yourself, when you imagined a person getting stabbed and being surrounded a pool of his own blood, what went through your head?  I'm presuming that it resembles something like "meh" or "lol"  So how much did movies and dramas affect our perspective? 

So choose wisely the things you let yourself watch.

  Of course after going through all that, there will be inevitable times when you just can't jump out of the car when your mom is driving and perhaps humming to a rap song that unbeknownst to her has something to do with big butts and genitals. Till you get the chance to jump out of the vehicle,

Take control of your thoughts.

The dilemma

    Dilemma - a situation in which a difficult choice has to be made between two or more alternatives, especially equally undesirable ones

I suppose everyone of us experiences a dilemma from time to time. Like here I am deciding on what to write after such a long time. So I settled with something that has been lurking around in my mind for a while now. 

How does one deal with dilemmas ? Is it a must to pick sides? 

I've learnt that there's no absolute solution but there are solutions that can minimize the risk of the problem to a state that can be handled. So what's the solution here?
You can run but you can't run forever. 

Sooner or later it's either pick a choice or the choice picks you. But then again that will just ruin you, Tony Robbins , a successful life coach and philanthropist said that we all have a power to change our lives. And that is the power of choice. Get the ripped away from you and you are nothing but a slave who is restricted.

There isn't always a win-win solution, So what will you do? 
My best bet for now is have a good cry over it and think it over for a day before making a decision just on the spur of the moment for the sake of getting a solution. Perhaps my perspective and way of handling will change, And I sincerely hope it does do me well in the future when handling dilemmas.