hate

I hate snakes, i HATE frogs, I HaTe horror movies, i hatE restrictions, i haTE control freaks, I HatE advertisements , i Hate this. I hate that. I hate the word HATE.
 
  I can go on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and eat and on and on and on and on and on and zzz and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on just RANTING ON WHAT I HATE.
well technically I can't since I don't have a long list.lol. 
 
   But one question.. How do you hate hate?
let me rephrase that
                     how do you hate(dislike, despise) hate (the emotion)?

Well for sure everyone hates hate. Hatred makes one .. lets say in physical terms, short lived, undergo stress and balding.Mentally should cause insomnia , mental probs and insanity perhaps.
  (I might have gotten a little overboard with it but picture a person filled with hatred named Mr.wathiznaim since no one can ever remember his name, Mr wathiznaim is a bald man who is filled with hatred for everything. His balding is so severe that even his mustache and eyebrows fall off, He suffers from insomnia every night and can't stop ranting about his misfortunate life where everyone is so dreadful. Some says his hysterical , some just thinks he's plain mad. No one goes near him, for fear that his temper is left unattended and he'll throw a terrible tantrum for even stepping on his doormat. And thus, a person as Mr.whatiznaim lives alone and left in the shadow of his hatred despite the wonderful world out there waiting to be explored,he'd die with regret and sadness when he's time comes) 
   Totally off topic but yeah, :P
Most of my hates are accommodated with fear.
 For example.. when I have to go on a super steep water slide with my cousins. For fear of drowning and having nothing to hold on, and there I go saying..
I HATE THIS DAYUMMMMMMM SLIDEE -____-
   lol. yes,i HATE water slides. (back off,don't judge me xP)

synonyms for hate?

abhorrence, abomination, anathema, animosity, animus, antagonism, antipathy,aversion, black beast, bother, bugbear, bête noire, detestation, disgust, enmity,execration, frost*, grievance, gripe, hatred, horror, hostility, ill will, irritant, loathing,malevolence, malignity, mislike, nasty look, no love lost, nuisance, objection, odium,pain, rancor, rankling, repugnance, repulsion, resentment, revenge, revulsion, scorn,spite, trouble, venom    I never knew frost meant hate ._.   now that's new .. lol. if you're reading this, STAPHHHHHH HATIN' :P (stop frosting xD ) AND START LUVIN' <3 (she may be anoyying at times but whatever :P)

To be or not to be?

To korean or not to korean, to japanese or not to japanese? 
tough choice. 
lol, I should have like 3 identities.
me+big framed glasses = korean 

me+super small eyes and peace pose= japanese

me + eyeliner = mulan (lol,maybe not in this pic,idk)

The advantage of looking like japanese if that since i don't have a sense of style, whenever I wear something that looks totally off, it looks like some japanese fashion trend.lol. anyways, I did my oral exam earlier for bahasa malaysia. I did show and tell, my topic was some camp I went to and I used my logbook as reference. Think my teacher was suppressing the urge to laugh when I flipped to a page with a picture of me doing a peace sign .lol,yes it's the pic earlier above.

  No I was not HIGH . I was the damned quartermaster and the activities were getting on my nerves. lol.

Guess, teacher gave me extra marks because of the picture, totally worth it :P

Lol, such big difference make up can make. Anyways, This carcass of mine is gonna last me for a few more decades , should make the most out of it till it rots , no? :P

true love

 lol, one of the most random and yet popular topics of all time.
wth is true love?
  There once was a scout teacher during camp, we call her Miss Hoh.
Now Miss Hoh is somewhere in her late forties I think, she teaches us moral during camp whilst our islam friends go for prayers. She often shares her life experience with us, like the time she was in a desert riding on a camel arriving at god knows where, the only way she communicated with the local to find scouts is by using hand signs.lol.epic sial.
   She's what you call an outgoing happy go lucky woman. But one thing tho, she's a miss.
We often get mixed up and call her puan hoh since most of our lady scouters were married. Sometimes we wonder why isn't she married,( mystery).lol.
  In one of the moral classes, the boys were busy somewhere picking trash and carrying stuff for the scoutmasters, leaving the girls in her care. Miss Hoh took the opportunity and shared a piece of information with us, she said:
  "The safest and most stable love is love between friends and family. Though the love between a man and woman may make your heart flutter and have butterflies in your stomach, it is also a no guarantee relationship.It could be for a short time only, all those excitement, desire and trust. But a family and friend will always be there. When you speak about love, who do you love more? Place your family especially your parents first , they are the ones who love you unconditionally, there is no guarantee in a man woman love as the heart of another can be gone by tomorrow."

 
  The whole concept of what she said is something like above , I kinda translated some stuff since she likes to mix in tamil, mandarin ,cantonese and hokkien when she speaks.lol. It came to me that the fact that Miss Hoh didn't trust love between a man and woman, who knew what tragedy she went through but looking through her paradigm and mindset, something very bad prolly happened.
   She has a point about the family love though, family comes first in my opinion.
But from what I've seen, I think true love is possible. But to be honest, rare or either i'm in the wrong country to see it first hand.

one of the sweetest love stories ;)

Just a thought : Girl then,girl now

  Let's say that I am a chinese girl who is born in the tang dynasty in China which is around the 10th century, eldest daughter in a family who lived in Guang Zhou. I would've been one of the girls who gone through the process of foot-binding in order to achieve lotus feet. It is the custom of applying painfully tight binding to the feet of young girls to prevent further growth. 
   Now that, is scary. In order to be brought up as a lady and get a good husband, I'd have to have my foot bounded at the age of 4-7 years old ,Feet soaked in  warm water or animal blood with herbs(ewww!!!). After soaking the feet, my toe nails were to be cut as back as possible to prevent in-growth and given a foot massage.(like the idea of the massage, the toe nail clipping? not so much ..) Next, every toe would be broken except for the big toe(now thats TOO MUCH). Then the foot is wrapped with binding cloth. Everyday, or every couple days, the foot would be unwrapped and wrapped again.(TORTURING MUCH). The girls were put into smaller shoes until their foot was about 4 inches long. 
   And all that torturing for what? lol, A good marriage. (rich dude, duh)
It is said that the smaller the foot the better, men back in the days find it to be very attractive(what were they thinking -_-)

wikipedia: Bound feet were a mark of beauty that became a prerequisite for finding a husband, as well as an avenue for poorer women to marry into money. Women, their families, and their husbands took great pride in tiny feet, with the ideal length, called the “Golden Lotus”, being about 7 cm (2.75 inches) long.*7 cm nia -A-*This pride was reflected in the elegantly embroidered silk slippers and wrappings girls and women wore to cover their feet. Walking on bound feet necessitated bending the knees slightly and swaying to maintain proper movement and balance, a dainty walk that was also considered sexually enticing to men.(lol, men found it sexually enticing ... great.. Possibility of having some hentai(变态) as my ancestor just increased)
  
compared to them... Dang scary sial the ritual...
I'd would've got feet like these..(search for it urself, the pic itself is scarier than horror movies in my opinion)

other than foot binding,there are other stuff that females are put through such as wearing a corset. lol. search up on it if u want to. lol.

That awkward moment...

  So what was the most awkward moment I can remember?
tbh i just remembered about it today after someone triggered it. lol.

 
   Well, it happened earlier this year, around february or march I think..  Anyways, it was a couple of months before my king's scouts examination and the scouters and seniors were giving us intensive training whenever they can.  I am a post holder and a king scout candidate for this year so I'm down with the responsibility of being in charge of normal meetings and the activities carried out, Played some games with the juniors and taught them claps and marching for the day. I didn't have a transport to go back home and so I was carpooling with a good friend and junior--ismael. So when the meeting ended, The seniors decided to give us (king scout candidates) a test on interview where you answer what the examiner questions and requests. I decided to ditch the training since I was carpooling with ismael , apparently there was some time left before his dad came to fetch us so i told ismael to get me when his dad comes while i manage a quick test with the seniors.
   I ran to the field, told the seniors and scouter to give me a quick test for the interview since timing was tight. One of the seniors, let's call him leng zai, (lol) so this senior's immediate response was...
:"OK, I do you first." 

one of the seniors standing at the back said.. 

:"wa..i do you first*smirks*"
    Yes, I was slightly embarrassed and so was the lengzai in front of me.But we ignored it and both of us went to serious mode directly and proceeded with the usual procedures.(face each other,he was standing on a higher ground which makes him half a head taller than me, and we had to salute each other and...) while completing the usual procedure which is for me to take a step nearer to him , another senior came near us and had to break the atmosphere by saying
:"eh, not awkward meh?"
lol, leng zai starts blushing
:"YOU DON'T SAY IT OUT THEN NOT AWKWARD LORH"(suddenly atmosphere filled with awkwardness)
me: ... *it got more awkward since I was standing damn close to him due to the procedure*
  Anyways, while continuing the interview and trying to suppress the akward atmosphere.My scouter (troller) and leng zai d little bro were having this convo at the side..(which is in hearing distance -_-)
 bro: "later pregnant how ah?"
scouter:" not good meh? you get ang pau and ah sou"
bro:"ya hor, got ang pau"
scouter:" next time you become uncle summore weyh,got your nephew running around:
and the convo goes on and on..
-_______-lll   .... 
 me:"can you guys staphhhhh ah?"
souter and bro: *in unison* no.

 i think both me and leng zai were blushing like mad now, or at least I was.lol. The most torturing thing of all is that I'm forced to be face to face to leng zai while my scouter and lil' bro speaks of our akward future. While I was trying to figure out what to do next, ismael's voice from afar can be heard yelling ..
JOOOOOO! my dad is HERE!!! (says bye and runs toward mael like my life depended on it)
  lol, i was so damn grateful for ismael for saving me from akward situation just in time weyh. Seriously akward sial is all I can say about that incident. But tbh, looking back, it's quite funny. And yes, if you were wondering, leng zai is memang a leng zai.No sarcasm there, most of my seniors damn good looking wan. lol , so there you go. an awkward moment in my life.

flare

  Got a few of my exam results back today, and though there were some improvements on certain subjects, I'm sad to say I almost lost my A for English. Being the typical student we are, we blamed our marks on teachers who mark a tad bit TOO STRICT.  Anyways, I can't believe I lost mark on essay, am I that good to not lose marks from the start? I don't think I am but surely for Malaysian standards I'm at a better than Ok level.
   Before I become way to arrogant... so back to the topic, I got my paper and compared it with a friend of mine. I wrote freaking 3 pages plus and mind you, those 3 pages plus were filled with POINTS.
 My friend wrote 2 pages , and I'm sad to say I got lower. She wrote a story, someone died.the usual story. I wrote about friends, An open topic. The only reason that I came up with on why she got higher than me was because I don't use much idioms. The cat is out of the bag, I've been slacking and my vocabs and stuff didn't get updated much since I stopped reading novels.(loads.of.novels.) But still, it was weird, I was confident my essay was better.
   I discussed about it with an einstein in my class, she read my essay. She didn't see what was wrong either, but we just agreed with the fact that I didn't use much idioms was the cause. Nevertheless, I'm happy with a piece of new knowledge.
   "Einstein" said she liked my writing :) , she said it had flare. not much people have flare even though they have strong language skills. 
   Well, thank you =] (yes i was smirking like an idiot feeling flattered while  wondering what she meant by flare but it sounded like a compliment so I just accepted it and decided to google it later)
 so.... it means..

I'm guessing she means.. 2,maybe 3.. most definitely an outbreak. LOL.  I'm pretty emotional now aren't  I? hahahahhah, lol. So that's how I manage to control it so well and not be the kids who slam doors and runaway from home. kudos :D

Speaking of that, I went out with my sister and her friends for dinner just yesterday, they were discussing about which kid never had rebellious stage before? none. except for the ones who keep it in too much, it's bad for the kid. 

 me: no rebellious stage? bad? (nooooooo ) 

   tbh , i never was at the rebellious stage. hahahahaaha, so from their discussion I'm either gonna go crazy, jump off the building or am suffering from some kind of illness. Last time i checked, I'm still intact, thats fine with me for now :P

my color

Usually I'd spell it as colour but whatever. Bad habit :p
 Anyways...
            So there's this big question I always get is never able to give a proper answer since I don't know it myself.
                     what is your favorite color? 

                                                  (O.o) ... meep ._.     ...     I don't have a favorite color .___.

lol,for me, it was the world's hardest question since I didn't know for sure myself.People say your favourite color says alot about you, but me, i don't know. sometimes it's red, sometimes blue, once i got fed up and just mixed it together and there you have it--- PURPLE!
  but no, it's not my favorite color. Did I post this to tell you which is my favorite color? no, I would like to know that myself too ;)  I still have no idea what color I favor the most but I'm happy to say I found my color.  Its .... Gray-bLUE :D
   I find the color to somehow represent in a way, as in , it's not as sad as  black nor bright as yellow. But neutral with a tint of happiness. Its cool and collected and sometimes looks like purple when the lights are off.Somehow the color describes me I guess, lol.
 
       

Anyways, biggest mystery yet to be solved , What's your favorite color? ;P

  
         

Life as a girl

  Random topic, but good enough to blog about ;)
So fate decided that I should be a girl in this life,not that I know him personally or anything, fate seems to know what he's doing xD
   Lets start from being a 5 year old then since I can't seem to remember anything at all before that. At the age of rainbows and unicorns, I was merely a dress up doll for my siblings. They love to doll me up and I'd be seen wearing dresses and skirts with 2 pony tails everywhere. lol. (damn powerless sial) But i don't know why I liked wearing dresses back then.  I had a weaker body than an average kid and would be sick all time, Mom would make some traditional chinese herbal medicine for me on a daily basis and gawddd it was disgustingly bitter. Nonetheless, I still drank it without questions, merely clinging to my mom's favorite quote, "the more bitter it is, the better the medicine"(my own translation of it from mandarin)-苦苦良药- I'd stay at home most of the time for being ill and actually skipped 3 quarter of class at kindergarden for a year at the age of 6. What'd I'd do at home then? uh.. read my bro's collection of comics ,watch tv ,eat medicine,sleep,repeat. My constant companion as a kid was this mother cat at home, My mom named her "dumb cat" for some reason. Anyways, for skipping class almost the whole year you'd think I'm illiterate and can't even write. Tell you what, thats just the opposite :P I finished the workbook the kindergarden gave at the start of the year since my mom kept asking me to do workbook. I ended up finishing a years work in a week since I was the obedient child I was. From reading comics and watching TV, I actually learned more than the kids in kindergarden, but truth to be told, I didn't have much friends and my siblings were either studying or working. oh yeah, I went to tuition too, with that. When I finally went back to kindergarden, I sort of found the kids to be dumb and touchy. lol. (mean thought for a 6 year old but whatever :P)  
    After I attended primary school , I stopped wearing dresses and couldn't care less what I wore. I didn't even know the fact that one should match clothes before going out, tbh i was in a ragged state. lol.
I made sure as long as I'm wearing something then its fine with me. I always thought that only people who are skilled are allowed to tie their hair and cutting finger nails was easy, just chop it off ,as long as its short than you got the job done. But no, turns out girls are suppose to carefully chop their nails bit by bit until they achieve some certain shapes . I wasn't exposed to all of this and didn't have confidence to do so. I stuck to wearing collar shirts and jeans since I didn't have the so called fashion sense and everything I match seems wrong to  my siblings.
   And in lower secondary, My hormones were out of control is the only thing I can say. Still the so called tom boy who hangs out with guys since I can't stand drama and actually made girls cry before. C'mon la.. so touchy -_-  I got boycotted by the girls for no god damned reason and the dudes were too chicken to back me up I suppose. Anyways, I wasn't the weakling , I refused to be one when a bunch of short junior girls ganged up against me and just had a stare me down competition just because some dude said I said something about them. Tbh, i don't care what they think but honestly, It was a pathetic act. I guess a girls life is to be full of drama, closed mined people and me don't go together well.
  I transfered school,  slowly my confidence boosted. They taught me how to open up and that dramas were only for a good laugh. They treat me like family and boosted my confidence by leaps and bounds. They taught me stuff and exposed me to stuff a girl should know. hahahhah~ like nigahiga and girly magazines.But they showed that all girl must do that, whats important is just be yourself .You can be a total tomboy but still look cool.
   Did I mention somehow being smart has its perks?  :P Always stuck in the first classes for barely trying but somehow stuck there . lol. well, I find majority literate people to be more open minded.
Can you believe I joined a singing competition? ikr, even i can't believe that. The reason I joined was because a shy friend of mine asked me to be her backup, and since I was a people person, I did :)
Comparing the weak girl years before, I've achieved a lot more. Going for king scouts is one of them, getting high post for clubs were a bonus for me ;) despite everything, being a girl is tougher than it looks. I spent half an hour deciding what to with my hair merely for tuition.hahhahha~ problematic cases in daily life.
  Looks- a major crisis for girls. I'm lucky to be fair without trying. I thank my parents for the good genes they gave me, fair skin, height,good eyesight,straight teeth and brains. thanks :D
hahaha, not boasting but I had a friend who liked my thick hair and asked me how  I got thick lips. uh.. ._. (i was fighting down the urge to tell her you make out everyday xD hahahahhah~) anyways, I told her I got it from my mom's side. Tbh, I've scarred my self a little overboard to say i protect this body of mine well, scars covered my hands ,arms and foot. but whatever, its just a tatoo but with a better story.
Perks of being a girl-you're excused from lifting heavy stuff when teachers want people to run errands.lol

shoes,backpack and a map. can't get more practical than that :P pic when I was in Japan. My sis left the navigating job to me due to her lack of interest -_-

Drugs

I've been on drugs for quite a while now, having them at night when no ones around. Always seeking for a new source to supply me with them. And its hard to stop, now that I started. I deeply regret it, well sometimes I don't as it keeps my mind off stuffs.unhappy stuffs. If this keeps going on, I won't be sane enough to even sit here and type all these before i lose my grip.
   What I've got to say is.. animes,movies and novels are so dang addictive Dx !!
 thought I was seriously taking drugs? hahaha, Not that stupid , DUH. ;P
these are my kind of drugs. causing me to lose sleep and focus on studies. But it keeps my mind off the possibility of being haunted by supernatural stuff again at night.
  Not healthy, i KNOW. bad for me.I KNOW LA. 
i guess it's what i picked up recently, but still.. I'VE GOTTA GET RID OF IT. 
should send myself to rehab for these kind of addictions -_-

Just a thought : smile :)

  there's loads of facts about smiling. how many muscles it takes and whatsoever.
A smile can mean happiness, reassurance , greeting or just plain nothing.
   I did this experiment, where i went jogging around the housing area (U JOG?! yes i do apparently, even though i hate it). The experiment was conducted to see people's reaction towards a smile.I smiled at everyone i passed by and the conclusion was.... drumroll please....
 
  Majority smiled back as a natural response. It was effortless, natural and plain human.But how come only majority smiled back? thats because the minorities were people who either didn't see it or pretended that they didn't see it .Either they weren't use to it or they think I'm plain crazy. lol.
  Focusing back on the majority would come from the elderly and young kids where else the youngsters around 20-30 were either too focused on their headphones or on the track , most of them didn't seem to respond like the others.   To say that we live in a generation where one is too afraid to trust another to even smile is just plain sad or everyone is just too worried about themselves to care.

  A smile doesn't hurt neither does it cost you a fortune, why not share it?  keeping it would do no good.

Speaking of smiling, there are some people whose smile I can't really stand. Its.. unnatural and fake as hell. Not to say that bunch has bug tooth or sausage lips and whatever, but the fact that they smile in a way where their lip don't reach their eyes and their eyes don't smeyes (smiling eye).Its like.. they are afraid of showing the fact that they have small eyes or teeth.  When you look at their pictures, you see them posing in every way and appearing like they are smiling behind the thickly coated make up. But you don't feel a thing, you don't feel the happiness nor the sadness.It's just a plain picture no matter how dressed up the person is , compare it to a picture of a kid giving a peace sign with ice cream smeared all over his face but still smiling even though with his two front teeth missing , in contrast, the latter radiates happiness and joy.  Even though you may look good, when you look back to the picture one day and try to reminisce the old days, you won't feel a single connection to how you were feeling back then for it doesn't hold the energy of a true you.

Of course how people smile isn't what I can control but anyways, smile away whether its a bitter smile, happy smile, crazy smile or joker smile. (maybe not joker smile)
so SMILE =]